The role that expectation plays in our enjoyment of cinema is an intriguing one. As I get older, it seems more and more people—notably those with spouses, kids, or responsibilities other than checking their Facebook notifications—have begun using the phrase, "It seems like a rental," when referring to films of tentative quality. My version of "It seems like a rental", is the noon showing on a Thursday afternoon, when I've suddenly found myself mysteriously awake before 2 PM. This is the story of how I found myself watching A Million Ways to Die in the West.
Because it's so much more entertaining to tear something down if you have someone to blame.
Friday, June 20, 2014
Thursday, June 19, 2014
22 Jump Street: You Know, The Second One.
21 Jump Street was way better than it ever deserved to be. In an era of reboots, it stood alone as the film that actually tweaked its source material enough to spit out an original product. It occasionally mocked its existence, but spent more time poking fun at the Glee-generation and flipping high school stereotypes on their head than it did rehashing old narratives. It barely felt like a reboot.
Two years later, 22 Jump Street feels like nothing but a sequel. In fact, the movie's sole purpose is to remind you, over and over again, that you're watching a sequel that was only made to squeeze more money out of a tired concept. The self-satire is frequently amusing, but 22 Jump Street spends so much time making fun of itself that it forgets to become more than the concept it's been mocking.
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Neighbors, or Seth Rogen Kind of Grows Up.
I no longer know how to write about comedies without being tempted to go on a long tirade about why there are so few great ones nowadays. Maybe someday I'll provide you with that lecture, but for now let me try to focus on Neighbors, the latest entry in a long line of comedies that we can at least consider adequately amusing.
In Neighbors, Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne play a young couple with a cute baby who are trying to keep the youthful dream of having sex in the kitchen alive. Unfortunately, they're now old and sleep deprived, so their efforts are typically stifled by their child, exhaustion, or Seth Rogen's declining sexual prowess. When a fraternity moves into the house next door, Seth and Rose attempt to become fast friends with the fraternity leadership (Zac Efron and Dave Franco) in the hope that their friendship will convince their new neighbors to keep it down while they're trying to sleep.
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
X-Men Days of Future Past, or Terminator 2: Motivational Speaker Edition.
"You need to make stronger life choices, son." |
It's the future, guys. It's really dark in the future. And the
The resulting film is an X-Men family reunion composed largely of motivational speeches, since the majority of the plot is articulated to us within the first fifteen minutes by narration, and then relayed to the X-men of the past via Wolverine's first of many motivational speeches to a young Professor Xavier. Thankfully, we're also treated to the obligatory getting-the-band-back-together sequences, which are the moments in which Days of Future Past actually remains bearable for a while.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Noah: Aronofsky's Guide to Adaptation.
Singin' in the rain, just singin' in the rain. |
Thursday, April 10, 2014
The Grand Budapest Hotel, of Which I Start Writing Four Different Things and Then Forget What My Point Was.
I assume the rule of thirds is applied here by accident. |
Saturday, March 1, 2014
The Top Ten Films of 2013
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Oblivion: At Least Will Smith Isn't In It.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
The Place Beyond the Pines, or How to Ruin a Movie with Bradley Cooper.
Dear Derek Cianfrance,
I think I see what happened here. I'll bet you had this really great idea for a film, and the whole time you were writing it you were thinking, "Damn, this is good." And you kept writing it, it kept being brilliant, and then you finished it and realized that it was only forty-five minutes long.
And in this instance, you blew it. The first segment of The Place Beyond the Pines is fantastic and the rest of it is a sub-par addendum; devoid of any real emotional or thematic connection to its predecessor.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
The Top 10 Films of 2012, or Ten Films that Wouldn't Have Made My Top 10 list in 2011.
Accepting the award for best still of the year is Holy Motors, because the still from Killer Joe was NSFW. |
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Side Effects: May Include a Fedora Montage.
Side Effects is one those rare films that I won't gut the plot for you, because the less you know the better. Catherine Zeta-Jones may not dip beneath any lasers, but I can promise you an awkward montage of a giggling, fedora-wearing Channing Tatum. If that's somehow not enough for you, read after the break.
Friday, February 8, 2013
Warm Bodies, or Cute Girls and Bonies.
He's trying to find the white meat. |
So, let's start the review here. Warm Bodies is good. (A warm body is always good. Right, bro?)
Damn it. The third time should be the charm:
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Zero Dark Thirty, or They Killed My Monkeys.
Hey, that's not funny, bro. My dad died in 9/11. |
Dear Kathryn Bigelow,
One of the few popular criticisms of Zero Dark Thirty is that it just might go on a little too long. I kind of agree. I think it was about two hours too long. I think I could have watched Zero Dark Thirty for thirty-seven minutes and been at least mildly entertained.
In reality, I think my enthusiasm lasted about fifteen minutes. The opening torture sequence, while not particularly engaging, set the stage well. A CIA agent tortures a captive, says, "dude", "bro", and "man" a whole lot, and we've got the opening to our story. At least it was a scene. The scene began, the scene developed, the scene ended. It wasn't a particularly excellent scene. There weren't really any lines of dialogue or deep thoughts to take from it, but it told a story. It began a plot. And then, the rest of the movie happened.
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