Side Effects: May Include a Fedora Montage.

In case you haven't heard, there's a new C-Tates movie out.  It's called Side Effects, and it stars Jude Law, Rooney Mara, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and everyone's favorite ex-stripper.  Side Effects is directed by Steven Soderbergh, who I always get confused with David Cronenberg, because they're both Jews who occasionally make good thrillers when they're not busy making garbage.  Soderbergh's track record is arguably more consistent, and Side Effects certainly adds weight to his claim.

Side Effects is one those rare films that I won't gut the plot for you, because the less you know the better.  Catherine Zeta-Jones may not dip beneath any lasers, but I can promise you an awkward montage of a giggling, fedora-wearing Channing Tatum.  If that's somehow not enough for you, read after the break.

It's not hard to figure out that Side Effects is a sort of murder mystery, as the film opens ominously on a carpet of bloody footprints.  We quickly jump three months into the past, as C-Tates is about to be released from prison, into the arms of his patient wife, Rooney Mara.  And C-Tates has got plans, yo.  He quickly jumps back into the world of big business, and promises Rooney Mara that he'll get them back in touch with the standard of living they shared before he went to prison for insider trading.

Shortly thereafter, Rooney Mara's anxiety gets the best of her (she's had these problems before) and she tries to hurt herself.  She wakes up in the hospital and is greeted by her new psychiatrist, Mr. Jude Law.  Jude Law starts seeing Rooney Mara regularly and prescribes her some Zoloft, in hopes that she doesn't jump in front of a train.

As the commercials and the title of the film say, the drugs have some undesirable side effects.  Someone gets murdered, there's some ambiguous moral drama, and then the plot turns on you.  It's all very enjoyable, apart from one unnecessary romantic subplot, and I have to say that 2013 is two for two so far.  Having said that, I may go see Safe Haven out of spite.

7/10

3/4

4/5

B+

I swear that all of these rating scales have their uses.