Because it's so much more entertaining to tear something down if you have someone to blame.
Wednesday, May 8, 2013
Oblivion: At Least Will Smith Isn't In It.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
The Place Beyond the Pines, or How to Ruin a Movie with Bradley Cooper.
Dear Derek Cianfrance,
I think I see what happened here. I'll bet you had this really great idea for a film, and the whole time you were writing it you were thinking, "Damn, this is good." And you kept writing it, it kept being brilliant, and then you finished it and realized that it was only forty-five minutes long.
And in this instance, you blew it. The first segment of The Place Beyond the Pines is fantastic and the rest of it is a sub-par addendum; devoid of any real emotional or thematic connection to its predecessor.
Saturday, February 23, 2013
The Top 10 Films of 2012, or Ten Films that Wouldn't Have Made My Top 10 list in 2011.
Accepting the award for best still of the year is Holy Motors, because the still from Killer Joe was NSFW. |
Saturday, February 16, 2013
Side Effects: May Include a Fedora Montage.
Side Effects is one those rare films that I won't gut the plot for you, because the less you know the better. Catherine Zeta-Jones may not dip beneath any lasers, but I can promise you an awkward montage of a giggling, fedora-wearing Channing Tatum. If that's somehow not enough for you, read after the break.
Friday, February 8, 2013
Warm Bodies, or Cute Girls and Bonies.
He's trying to find the white meat. |
So, let's start the review here. Warm Bodies is good. (A warm body is always good. Right, bro?)
Damn it. The third time should be the charm:
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Zero Dark Thirty, or They Killed My Monkeys.
Hey, that's not funny, bro. My dad died in 9/11. |
Dear Kathryn Bigelow,
One of the few popular criticisms of Zero Dark Thirty is that it just might go on a little too long. I kind of agree. I think it was about two hours too long. I think I could have watched Zero Dark Thirty for thirty-seven minutes and been at least mildly entertained.
In reality, I think my enthusiasm lasted about fifteen minutes. The opening torture sequence, while not particularly engaging, set the stage well. A CIA agent tortures a captive, says, "dude", "bro", and "man" a whole lot, and we've got the opening to our story. At least it was a scene. The scene began, the scene developed, the scene ended. It wasn't a particularly excellent scene. There weren't really any lines of dialogue or deep thoughts to take from it, but it told a story. It began a plot. And then, the rest of the movie happened.
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