Sunday, April 25, 2010

A Necessary Interjection: Whose Idea Was it to Let Me Buy a PS3?

I doubt anyone has noticed, but I haven't updated in a long time. This is most likely due to the fact that I've logged eight days in game time in Call of Duty in the past month. But it is also due to a lack of films coming out that are more interesting than drinking. I do regret missing the Tooth Fairy. That would have been a good entry for all of us.

I really can't blame the quality of cinema, as we all know I prefer to write letters about bad movies. I think I just got winded after making that Top 50 of the decade list. Luckily, I'm not disappointing too many people since I only have nine followers (one of whom I believe is a spambot).

Anyway, here's a little recap to prove I really haven't seen much:

A Single Man

I really should have informed you about A Single Man, because it is the best film I've seen in the theater in at least five years. I would say it's the best film released in the past five years, but it's too close to call between A Single Man and Once. We all know I'm a man who appreciates some good heartbreak, and A Single Man personifies the term the way Punch-Drunk Love personifies new love. In other words; really well. Where has Tom Ford been all my life?

Crazy Heart

Crazy Heart is your run of the mill biopic about some dude who doesn't actually exist. As a result, it's even more uninteresting than actual biopics. Sure, Jeff Bridges won the Oscar for best actor, but let's not forget that playing a drunk musician is as easy as playing an angry black woman (take that, Precious). The fact is, nothing really happens in Crazy Heart. Of course there's some Jeff Bridges and Maggie Gyllenhaul sex, a lost boy, and Colin Farrell with some pirate hair, but all that really gives us is a rehash of the movie Hook with country music instead of humor.

Shutter Island

The entire time I was watching Shutter Island, I thought it was going to suck. I hated it because I knew it was going to end in a way that pissed me off. Then it ended. It didn't piss me off. So, while the "twist" is incredibly apparent throughout most of the movie, the execution made it worthwhile, even though it tortures you with the possibility that it might screw it all up. It's like the opposite of The Crazies remake, which just tortures you the whole time when it becomes obvious that there was never any interest in making an effort in the writing department.

Repo Men

Repo Men started off surprisingly legitimate. I expected your standard Shia Labeouf chase movie (has Shia Labeouf been in a chase movie besides Eagle Eye? I'm just going to go ahead and count Tranformers), but instead we get heavy back story before Jude Law ends up on the run. Then we start getting the really bad dialogue, and over the top violence. However, instead of being bad, it turns out to be awesomely bad, because there's nothing sexier than returning organs. Repo Men is a whole lot of ridiculous fun, even if the ending is given away in the first ten minutes of the movie.

That should be enough recaps for now. Enough to get the complainers off my back. Yes, some people apparently do read this. Fine, I'll keep writing. But I now refuse to proofread.


  1. I might be the spambot.

    And the Deus Ex Machina ending really hurt A Single Man for me.

    That's right, not all spambots dig Deus Ex Machina.

  2. I can't remember what you're referring to at the end, Tristan. Also, at least the spambots don't speak English.

  3. Late getting back here, but...
    I mean the very very last thing that happens. Which felt very contrived to me. Kinda rendered everything before meaningless to me.

    Sorry I'm being cryptic. I would hate to spoil things for the spambots.