The Top Ten Films of 2018.

2018 was the year I realized no one is going to watch a single movie I recommend unless it's available to stream on Netflix or Amazon Prime. I can't really blame them. I saw 120+ movies in 2018 and didn't watch a single one in theaters—as going out in public is nearly as terrifying as the people you encounter there. And while the number of streaming services is exhausting (and only getting worse), take solace in the fact that nearly everything is eventually available to rent from our new overlords at Amazon. That being said, I know you're still more likely to watch The Office for the eleventh time rather than throw Bezos another $4.99, but I'll do my best to put together a list for you. To be honest, that's not even true, because this list is for me and you probably won't like any of these films. Go watch The Office while you still can.

So let's talk about some movies you've either already seen or are never going to see. We'll start with some random musings before we get to the mostly arbitrary rankings. As always, this list does not include animated films or documentaries, and ties go to the movies I want to write about.

The Top Ten Films of 2017.

Some movies came out in 2017. As someone who loves movies, but finds most movies average at best, they weren’t great. I also watched less movies in 2017 than I have in any year since 2010, and I’m not sure if that’s the reason I’m underwhelmed or if it's indicative of their quality. However—as is the case every year, there was still a twenty way tie for tenth, so don’t let my pessimism get you down. Let’s start with some honorable mentions.

The Top Ten Films of 2016.

I am aware that 2016 ended two months ago; but as a completion-obsessed shut-in who uses too much punctuation, it takes a while to track down all the Danish movies about chicken that I want to see. Thankfully, we can adopt the Academy Awards as 2016's film criticism deadline. I know you'll probably be spending your Sunday at the liquor store in preparation for all the political acceptance speeches, so don't worry about reading this right away. But if you find your mind wandering while La La Land wins just about every category, feel free to reference this list as a reminder that other films did come out.

The Top Ten Films of 2015.

I think there's something in my blind spot.

The Oscars are Sunday and thus, I return to you. I actually made it an entire year without writing a single word, which coincides with my realization in November that I'd only seen a handful of 2015 films. I kept waiting for the barrage of theatrical must-sees. Then I realized that essential Hollywood was largely taking the back half of the year off. Don't let my pessimism get you down though, because I made up for lost time and saw a lot of good films in 2015. I'm just crabby because I liked 2014 too much, and nothing in 2015 blew me away like The Guest did. Before we get to my arbitrary ratings, let's hit some honorable mentions and talk about the movie I feel required to mention—even though I really don't want to.

The Top 10 Films of 2014.

It's so tempting to Photoshop Nicolas Cage into the negative space.

After another five month hiatus, I'm back for the yearly staple. We have a record low of one Best Picture nominee gracing the top 10 this year, which goes to show that I have severely different tastes than ridiculously old white people. Turns out, most of the great films of the year were fairly divisive, and we all know that you can't win a Best Picture award if you leave people feeling uncomfortable. As always, documentaries and animated films are ineligible as I didn't make an effort to see all (or any) of them. Here are your honorary awards.

Boyhood: Richard Linklater's Battle Against Alcoholic Stepfathers.

Dear Richard Linklater,

You worked wonders with Before Sunrise, Before Sunset, and Before Midnight.  Every nine years, you gave us another great movie focused on the same two people in various stages of their relationship.  The series evolved with its characters; what began as a starry-eyed romance ended as an explosive bout within a long term relationship.  With only two hours every nine years, you created a believable relationship between two very real characters that easily produced empathy.

With Boyhood, you've attempted the opposite.  Instead of giving us the snapshots and letting us fill in the blanks, you've provided a full twelve years in one character's life.  We watch as Mason, the boy in question, grows from a child into a young man.  Unfortunately, the effect is not the same.  There isn't enough time for both Mason's life story and the emotions that accompany it; and at times, Mason seems more of a peripheral figure than a protagonist.

Guardians of the Galaxy: The Avengers Youth Team.

Guardians of the Galaxy gets bonus points for following The Avengers formula without depending on five origin films to set up all the character development necessary to facilitate the coming together of its main characters.  That being said, the film immediately thrusts its wise-cracking protagonists into an intergalactic religious war; pausing only momentarily to produce thin explanations for the necessary plot devices.  The complexities of why–or honestly even who–the Guardians are fighting, don't seem to matter to the filmmakers.  Thankfully, it doesn't really matter to the audience either.