The Green Hornet, or Asians Are Cooler Than You.

This film is fictional; as documented by this photo, in which
Seth Rogen is faster than an Asian.

Dear Michel Gondry,

    Thank you for not writing The Green Hornet, because even though the script isn't very good, you most likely would have found a way to make it worse.  That's right, I saw Be Kind Rewind, and I am going to hold it against you forever.

There are still some problems with The Green Hornet, but I had low expectations anyway so they weren't deal-breakers.  It is important to note that the film's entertainment value comes almost entirely from Jay Chou and Christoph Waltz, so those who don't find Engrish funny aren't going to enjoy this film at all.

Who am I kidding; everyone loves Engrish.

The Company Men, or Ben Affleck Can't Afford His Porsche.

It's a tough life when you don't make 160,000 a year anymore.

I expected fairly little out of The Company Men, as the trailer seemed to highlight Ben Affleck screaming, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and for God's sake, people like me."  No one wants to see that.  But I did anyway and was pleasantly surprised.  I'm not saying that The Company Men was that great, but it is incredibly relevant, quite accurate, and one of the few films that has touched on the recent economic climate.

The Company Men stars Ben Affleck, so naturally everyone is from Boston.  His company has just cut three thousand jobs, and his position is no exception.  Naturally, he gets pissed off and decides to get a new job, because he's Ben Affleck and everyone should be begging to employ him.  Turns out, no one cares.

This Year Sucked. Here's My Top 10.

Sorry, kids! I had a PS3 relapse and stopped visiting the internet. Fortunately, I started playing catch up and had enough time to watch pretty much every live action 2010 film I could get my hands on. Wait, did I say fortunately?
Let's face it: 2010 was awful. Even a large portion of the films that were supposed to be mildly entertaining escapism didn't really do the trick. Personally, I think this may be the worst year in cinema's history. I have yet to prove myself wrong on this point, and I welcome all of you to present a year to add to the debate.
There were, of course, still a lot good films this year, and despite the misleading opening statements, it will be the positive I will be discussing in this entry. We'll discuss the piss poor at a later date.

If you think I missed a film, you should be able to find it at the end of this entry, where I intend to list everything I saw or still intend to see. The execution of this plan, however, hinges entirely on my ability to finish this article before I run out of cigarettes.

Also, I did not see any animated films. Whatevs, dogg.

MacGruber has a 79% on Rotten Tomatoes.

I may have not written this entry had I not found this picture.

I think we have a national treasure on our hands; a term I use as defined below:

National Treasure (na·tion·al treas·ure)
- a film which, although being catastrophically flawed in concept, garners exaggerated praise from its audience for somehow not being the huge turd they expected. Based on the movie of the same name.

MacGruber is a spin-off of an SNL skit, which haven't fared well since Wayne's World, and unlike previous SNL fims, the original MacGruber skit wasn't even funny. Okay, maybe it was funny, like, once. MacGruber is essentially a retarded Macgyver. He doesn't use guns, and relies on a variety of scraps to produce explosives; or more realistically here, distractions. His only effective homemade explosive goes off prematurely, and he's apparently more reliable with a stick of celery.

Iron Man 2, or Mickey Rourke's Cockatoo.

Dear readers,

I'm not going to write a letter to Jon Favreau. Deal with it. This is largely due to the fact that I don't have much to say about Iron Man 2, and certainly little to complain about; but also because I'm not going to praise it either. It's Iron Man 2. What did you expect it to be? It's more or less a continuation of the original, an effective sequel, but nothing revolutionary. I'm sure you'd all love the thing if Mickey Rourke had died during filming; but he didn't, and there won't be any pity Oscars given away this year.

Let's be honest. There's always a pity Oscar. That's right, Sandra Bullock. Suck it.

A Necessary Interjection: Whose Idea Was it to Let Me Buy a PS3?

I doubt anyone has noticed, but I haven't updated in a long time. This is most likely due to the fact that I've logged eight days in game time in Call of Duty in the past month. But it is also due to a lack of films coming out that are more interesting than drinking. I do regret missing the Tooth Fairy. That would have been a good entry for all of us.

I really can't blame the quality of cinema, as we all know I prefer to write letters about bad movies. I think I just got winded after making that Top 50 of the decade list. Luckily, I'm not disappointing too many people since I only have nine followers (one of whom I believe is a spambot).

Anyway, here's a little recap to prove I really haven't seen much:

Daybreakers: Too Infuriating to Write About.

Dear Michael and Peter Spierig,

I understand that you probably aren't wearing Edward Cullen underpants right now. You probably don't have the Twilight shower curtain either. But you didn't have to prove it either. Now, you may not have made this film as an attack against Twilight, but your fans certainly see it as such. "Yeah man, vampires are cool again. They ain't whiny fags no more." Lines like this can be seen most places Daybreakers is mentioned on the internet. The comparison does not interest me.

Anyone with half a brain can see that the Twilight films are complete trash, but Daybreakers isn't much better; and it offends me that large amounts of people will praise your film simply because it "isn't Twilight." I'm actually upset that I'm even mentioning Twilight because even though it's a pop culture phenomenon, I don't care about it anymore. It sucked. Move on, people. But everyone is drawing comparisons between the two films, and I really wanted to link to that picture of the underpants. Enough about how Twilight sucks. Let's talk about why Daybreakers sucks. I hate that that's going to be taken as a pun.